Dear Eight Year Old Me,
Right now life is pretty cake. Of course at this age to you, every tiny thing is a big thing but don’t rush life. You will spend these years dancing, really embracing your creative side, don’t turn down opportunities even if they seem scary or out of your comfort zone. You are capable of more than you know. Every adult will tell you to enjoy these years. And they are right. Slow down and enjoy them. Life is grand currently. There are some rough waters ahead but, you are strong. And you will get through them. It will get better.
Dear 16 Year Old Me,
You won’t always feel like the odd one out. One day you will learn to love your curls. You’ll embrace your Black heritage. You will kill it in bright colors. Those bullies that make fun of you for having parents that don’t look like you won’t be in your life forever. You will have your heart broken, loose some friends. You will do some silly things but also make some of the best memories of your life. You will feel alone at times. You will doubt your worth but it will get better.
Dear 22 Year Old Me,
Working tirelessly at two jobs, finishing school, wanting to show your parents your enough, fighting with your sister and holding grudges because you are to stubborn to take the higher road, give it a rest. Invest in time for yourself. Remember that red and blue UV vodka is only meant for the trash and Jell-O shots are not always a good idea. Just because you bartend doesn’t mean you have to go out every night. Know you don’t have to follow the script that you created when you were younger. I know you want a fairy tale life but remember every princess has a dark backstory Don’t settle. It will get better.
Dear 26 Year Old,
Congratulations. You are a mommy now. To the most beautiful baby boy. I know you’re torn on feeling excited and upset. I know this isn’t the life you dreamt of for you but more importantly your baby. Breathe. You are going through a lot. I know you feel alone. Scared, confused. You are strong. I know you’re tired of feeling lonely. I know you’re tired of the sleepless nights. The fighting. You cover your bruises and wear sunglasses to hide your puffy eyes. I know you know you deserve better but are trying with every ounce of your being to hold it together. To put on that brace face so no one sees the pain. Stop though. Look at your son. Be strong for him,yes. But lean on the people who love you. Let them help you. You will get through this. Trust in that. It will get better.
Dear 28 Year Old Me,
We aren’t sugar coating it. This totally sucks. This is hard. Life is hard. Divorce is hard. But you are free from the shadows you have been living in. Stop for a minute and be thankful. Be thankful that you found the strength to pursue a better life for yourself. To protect Noah. This still isn’t it for you. This was just another chapter of life that you have finished. Your next one awaits you. You and Noah. You are going to be okay. You will learn you deserve to be happy. You deserve more. Guard your heart. But allow people who are worthy to see it. Spend some time recreating the girl you once were. Spend your days making unforgettable memories together. Reconnect with God. Learn to live in the moment. Embrace who you are. Learn to love yourself again. It will get better.
Dear Present Me,
I think it’s fair enough to say, “I told you so”. Waking up today, you feel happy. Alive. Loved. Live presently in these moments. Remind yourself to never settle. Do your best daily but remember even the sun needs it’s rest. Hold on to relationships that are meaningful, the ones that challenge you, the ones that hold on to you. Cherish these moments. Let love in. It will continue to just get better.
I often find myself wondering “what if I hadn’t done this” or “what if I would’ve done that”. But at the end of the day, I am thankful for the life I have lived because I am finally happy with who I am today. I pride myself on not having “regrets” in life. Of course there are things that I wish I could take back, change, wish never happened. But I don’t truly regret anything that I have experienced in life.
Life is funny and has a funny way of working itself out, dont ya think?
