When the Do-er, Doesn't.
In November I accepted an AGM position at a new property. This position comes with a big commitment and a lot of responsibility so I don’t take it lightly. Most who know me know that I enjoy working and really try to put my all into work. This is both a strength and a weakness as I typically don’t allow myself a “break” from work. I do consciously take on more responsibility than I am asked to. I don’t know why I do, but I always have.
On Thursday of last week, it hit me that I had no real plans for that Friday. Friday was my first day in...months, probably since August that I have had a full day off. Like really off. Off work and my son was with his dad. To many this probably sounds glorious. To me, this is my worst nightmare. If you know me IRL, you’ll know I don’t enjoy “stopping” most days I don’t have Noah I will work well past my scheduled hours just so I don’t have to go home to an empty house. Ya girl was spun into an anxious storm. I was literally trying to think of what work related tasks I could take on instead of having a free day.
My GM got wind of me saying I was going to stop by for a bit Friday and basically banned me from the property and kindly encouraged me to work on my work/life balance skills. Chris also was adamant that I take a break to have a day without any commitments. So reluctantly, I made a solid effort and to my surprise, it was delightful. I was able to sleep in, stop by my most favorite coffee bar, grabbed lunch with my mama, finished some Christmas shopping and spent a good amount of time in my backyard listening to the wind flow through the magnolia leaves while writing, caught up with a girlfriend for dinner and then spent the night relaxing with Chris.
Someone once told me that the constant internal need to always be doing something is a trauma mechanism. Basically you are so scared of shutting your mind off for any period of time because you don’t want to deal with the trauma/demons inside of your head. For me, I’d say this is definitely accurate.
I have a lot of healing to do from past years and I don’t allow myself the time to do so. Days like Friday make me stop and rest, worship, learn, and relax.
When was the last time you had a completely responsibility free day?